The Meaning of Modesty by Rose Kelley, 16

The year I turned twelve, I experimented wearing skirts everyday, everywhere: Ice skating, biking, and even hiking to the top of Yosemite’s Half Dome. It started on a dare from a friend and then continued from there. I felt confident and daring, and the regular wearing of skirts attracted positive attention from many people. Many of my peers, and those younger than me, likewise considered wearing skirts themselves as a sign of femininity, beauty and modesty. Then came high school. I wanted to fit in with the cool crowd. I wanted guys and girls to like me, to be accepted. It seemed that all the other girls, even at church groups, wore tight jeans. So I began dressing in skinny jeans, shorter dresses and more transparent shirts. I was eroding my true value and dignity for what I hoped in return would be greater acceptance and popularity.   

I have since learned that one of the greatest desires of the human person is to be known and valued. Girls who wear revealing clothing are craving attention and approval through surface appearance, ­often because of insecurities. When a girl dresses modestly, honoring God, she is actively choosing to be counter cultural; desiring only His approval. She is choosing to be accepted or even rejected because of who she is as a person rather than being judged on surface characteristics alone. At the time, as I started pushing the clothing boundaries more and more (trying to fit in with peers) my parents responded by putting up restrictions, and we also often had discussions. When I would back down it was only from a feeling that I had to “play the part” while I lived in their house. Realizing this, they explained to me that modesty is not about a dress code but an attitude of the heart. They instructed me that internalizing the reasons for modesty makes it more likely that as an adult I would continue to dress how I wanted to, rather than simply following the culture. Again, in the midst of these regular disagreements, I didn’t see a problem with giving in to the culture. I wanted to fit in, and show my independence (from my parents). Little did I see the dependence I was creating, and the internalization of the cultural values.

After a mother­ daughter retreat last summer, my mom encouraged me to write an article on modesty to help other girls in the struggle for modesty and to help me develop my convictions. I started reading books, blogs and magazine articles on the topic and slowly, they started to win me over. I have come to realize that my job on earth is to draw people to Jesus and part of that is by wearing clothes that identify me as His child. As St. Francis once said “Preach the gospel and, if necessary, use words.”

To be clear, I am a work in progress. The battle for my heart is not entirely won. I am still struggling with being in the world, but not of it. But I am realizing that I am a daughter of the King and I need to start dressing like it!    Some young teens might be uncomfortable with the “princess of God” idea. We don’t always want to be seen as princesses, as much as we may have appreciated that image as young girls. We want to be strong and independent, but let’s be honest: when you’re in a situation that no power on earth can help you, it is awesome to be able to look up to heaven and say “Daddy, I need your help.” The same God who created the galaxies and the stars and the ocean thought that the world needed you. We are willing to die to self because we want to be appreciated for who we are and not our body, nor how adeptly we fit into the culture. Also, we want to protect our God given dignity because it is a gift from our heavenly father. Dressing modestly is going to be an uphill battle and you are going to stick out, but as my mom loves to say, “Either you’re swimming upstream or you’re floating down with the dead fish.” My journey towards modesty has been a hard one and I am definitely still on my way. Sometimes it feels like I’m taking two steps forward and one step back, but I know that God sees me trying and that’s what matters to Him. It’s so worth it for the day when you arrive at heaven’s gates and God greets you with a smile and a big hug and says “Welcome my child, you did it.”