Don’t Forget the Father by Tim, 23

Growing up, my parents suggested to me the idea of asking a father’s permission before dating his daughter. I felt it was a thoughtful gesture, but regarded the idea as impractical and unnecessary after moving away to college. However, when a guy I didn’t think very highly of asked the permission of the father of one of my closer female friends, I decided I could do no less in the future. Now, fast forward twelve months. I’d just told a girl that I really liked her and saw her light up in response. I knew then and there that I not only had a date with a beautiful woman sometime soon, but the beginnings of something very special in my life. Though I took the time to ask her father’s permission, I still did not understand the power behind such a simple act. That understanding came ten months later, when I was at my now-girlfriend’s house visiting with the family. A family friend started joking about how the kids were reaching that age when the guys come calling, and wondered why I hadn’t been greeted with the proverbial shotgun. The simple answer that followed absolutely floored me, for my girlfriend’s father stated very seriously, “We didn’t need to. Tim asked our permission. We trust him.”

We trust him. How many guys in relationships have longed in the depths of their being to hear their girlfriend’s parents say that to them? A parent’s approval can often be desired, but is not actively sought out. Usually it comes long after a relationship is established and more as a side-effect of sustained interaction, rather than a deliberate act. Yet, that day I realized that taking the time and having the guts to ask the father’s permission is powerful. I’ve seen and experienced some of the positive ramifications of that act. To name a few:

From the beginning, asking the father brings the relationship out into the open. Secret relationships are all too prevalent and only lead to broken hearts, and division within the family. Having an open relationship, where there is no need to hide, and the parents are happy, is immensely liberating and allows the relationship to develop and mature naturally.

Taking the time to ask the father for his blessing conveys that the young man is not a fly-by-night type, someone who wants certain things from a girl only to disappear when he doesn’t get them, leaving her heart in tatters. Instead, this is a man who has honorable intentions toward the girl in question and will respect her.

It’s a mark of respect towards the parents and implies that the young man will not seek to create an exclusive relationship, where so often the parents and other friends get pushed aside in favor of the significant other. Rather, the man will try to find a place alongside everyone else and cooperate with them.

Lastly, directly asking a father for his permission is incredibly brave, manly, and speaks volumes about a young man’s sense of his own worthiness. A man who dates a girl, but keeps her parents in the dark, perhaps has questionable motives, and more importantly is afraid that he will not meet with their approval.

So, hey, I know this isn’t the norm, but I think it’s something that more guys should consider doing. Ten minutes with someone’s Dad could easily lead to a better and more blessed relationship for you. I know it has been that way for me.