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Last Updated:
Sep 10th, 2007 - 18:59:21
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Question
I'm 16, and I have started having sex with my boyfriend. We have always used a condom, but I want to be extra safe by using birth control pills. I can't talk to my mom about this, because she would flip, I was wondering how I could obtain birth control without her consent?
Answer
I sense you know your mother would not approve, and that is why you are reluctant to approach her. Do you know the reasons she might advise you to abstain from sexual intercourse?
She might be concerned because she knows there is no 100% birth control method. You are not entirely protected from disease, and pregnancy remains a possibility.
She might be concerned because she knows that a young woman your age is actually MORE susceptible to contracting disease, as the cervix is not yet mature and hence more vulnerable.
She might be concerned because she knows there are risks to your health from the hormonal methods you seek She might be concerned because she knows that you are limiting your ability to make a clear decision about this relationship, and this boy. It is very hard to make objective decisions about this young man, because with sexual intercourse comes a bonding, that unites us to this person in a special way. This bonding is the glue of marriage, but when we have not freely chosen marriage, this bond we have formed prematurely bonds us to this person, and limits our freedom to choose. It is confusing at best, clouding our judgement. We are not able to freely commit in marriage, for we are already acting married. Marriage for these relationships is sometimes no more than sealing the deal. Not very romantic.
She might be concerned because if this relationship does become permanent, she knows it will have been built on a shaky foundation.
She might be concerned because she knows that if this relationship is not permanent, your pain will be intensified, as will your sense of loss and betrayal.
There is probably no-one who loves you more than your mom. She might indeed flip out.... at first. But maybe you need to give her a chance. Parents can be a little unpredictable, often surprising us with their ability to handle the big things, while they flip out over the smallest things. Maybe you need to hear her, and why she does not wish this for you. As for me, my personal advice is that the healthiest choice for you, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally is to abstain from sexual intercourse until you are married.
By choosing to do so now, you can reclaim your future!
I invite you and your mom to attend one of our FACTS classes, where Family Accountability Communicating Teen Sexuality is the goal. You and your mom could explore together the benefits of abstaining now, and the freedoms and opportunities this will open up to you!
Sheila St. John, CFCP, is a Certified Fertility Care Practitioner, actively teaching in hospital, parish, and private settings in Monterey and Santa Cruz Counties since the early 1980’s.
She is the Executive Director of the California Association of Natural Family Planning.
© Copyright 2005 by CANFP
The information on this page and web site is for informational purposes only,
and is not a substitute for medical diagnosis and treatment by a physician.
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