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Last Updated:
Sep 10th, 2007 - 18:59:21
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Question
I'm 16 years old, and I already had an abortion about 2 weeks ago. But my boyfriend and me decided that we still want to continue our sex life, what would be the best birth control method for me to use?
thank you, bye
Answer
Dear Bye,
There is no 100% effective birth control method. Sex means babies and bonding, and that is a fact. The only way to be in a position of never having to endure the trauma of another abortion is to wait to have sex again until you are in a position to accept the baby that my result from this bonding. And of course the way to do that is to wait until you are married to the man whom you choose to be the father of your children.
You say you and your boyfriend have “decided” to continue to have sex, and yet your choice to have an abortion indicates you are not in a position to accept any babies that may result. How many times are you willing to go through that again? The fact that you are researching birth control methods obviously means it is not an experience you wish to repeat, but do you realize it is a possibility you can not eliminate, even with birth control?
It is not easy to make big changes in our life, but I encourage you to take this time to review the choices you have made in this area, and what they have cost you.
May I suggest an exercise which might help you put this decision in proportion? I suggest you curl up on your bed with a notebook, and on a piece of paper list all the negative things you might have experienced, or risked, or even seen friends experience, by having sex now. You know…..like the abortion, pregnancy, STDs. You might ask yourself, is my relationship with my parents better or worse? How about my friends? How about my school work? Let your imagination go and just list all the possible things you can think of. When you finish, come back to the computer and read the rest of my response.
You ready for the next part?
OK, now, look over your list, and cross out ALL the problems on your list that birth control will eliminate.
Did you cross out pregnancy? Birth Control may REDUCE your risk of pregnancy, but it won’t ELIMINATE it, so you can’t cross pregnancy off. STD’s? SOME birth control methods may REDUCE your risk of sexually transmitted disease, but none ELIMINATE it!
In fact, I’ll bet you may not have been able to find one thing to cross off your list. Hmmmmmm, maybe birth control is not the solution to your problem.
You still with me?
Ok, get out the notebook and make another list. List on the left side all the reasons you and your boyfriend came up with for continuing to have sex, when the two of you discussed this after your surprise pregnancy and abortion.
On the right side, list all the freedoms you would gain if you wait to have sex. I can get you started with some ideas that other people your age have told me:
Freedom from: Fear of pregnancy, AIDS and other STDS, jealousy, worry, anxiety, lying to my parents, experiencing an abortion, a broken heart, (you have others to add you have learned from experience, I am sure).
And freedom to: Focus on my education/my friends/my goals, earn my parents trust, challenge my relationship with my boyfriend to a more mature level, (add your own thoughts...).
Compare the reasons you and your boyfriend came up with for having sex, with the freedoms if you wait. You might want to share your list with your boyfriend, or ask him to make his own and then the two of you could exchange lists and discuss them. You might also find it helpful to talk all this out with a trusted adult, like your mom or dad.
You came to our website for answers... I hope this helps you.
Sheila St. John, CFCP, is a Certified Fertility Care Practitioner, actively teaching in hospital, parish, and private settings in Monterey and Santa Cruz Counties since the early 1980’s.
She is the Executive Director of the California Association of Natural Family Planning.
© Copyright 2005 by CANFP
The information on this page and web site is for informational purposes only,
and is not a substitute for medical diagnosis and treatment by a physician.
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